I am a person who normally defaults to action. I sometimes describe myself as an action-oriented person. I don’t sit still well, and I do not like a meeting that does not end with a to-do list. I once saw a poster in a co-working space that read, Doing things can be a sufficient strategic plan. And in some ways, this poster may have had too much influence on my life. But ultimately, I believe a good plan now is better than a perfect plan later. Despite these personal convictions, even I, at times, find myself allowing others to dictate the tone in some situations. Situations where it likely should be me setting the tone. So what do I mean by setting the tone? In every relationship, in every exchange, in every situation, someone or something dictates the tone of that. So the definition I’ve got to set the tone is to establish a standard in a particular interaction, personally or as part of a group for attitude, intensity, communication, and/or excellence.
Now, this analogy might be most obvious in sports. If you think you are getting together for a fun pickup game of soccer and three minutes in, some dude having just finished aggressively chugging his pregame monster slide tackles someone? In that moment, the tone has an opportunity to change. Either someone takes Gary off to the side and takes him down a notch, or the entire game becomes more intense. Gary was setting the tone. In competitive sports, it can be set an example for the rest of your team about how much the leader is willing to sacrifice to win. For example, Southern Illinois University men’s basketball team in the mid 2000s earned the nickname floor burn U. This mid-major college outperformed larger programs because they were willing to outwork their talent level. All out intensity was the tone. In practice, you would get points for effort plays. So are you willing to dive out of bounds into the stands to get the ball? Are you willing to outwork everyone else? Or are you taking plays off? These are the questions that set the tone in that situation. At work, maybe this is the leader setting the tone for the standard of what will be acceptable or how we will treat a certain type of customer.
This last year, we experienced a particularly difficult client. Each meeting was something that everyone dreaded. Eventually, we reached a point where this client was openly hostile to us in a meeting. Now, this is weird for us because normally clients love us. We are used to smiles and maybe at most some constructive criticism. In this situation, however, I feel I abdicated my responsibility to set the tone. I had allowed the client to set the tone, and we all paid for it. As I wrestled with the situation, this year’s theme was born. Set the tone. The first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. In this sense, we’re going to first recognize the need to set the tone. I believe this first starts with you and I on a personal level. What tone are you setting for yourself? Are you setting yourself up to win? Or is there an internal voice too critical or unsupportive, setting yourself up for failure. Are you doing the right things to be successful? It’s not only the boss setting the tone, you do not have to be in charge to set the tone. Leaders lead. But whatever level you are in a meeting or at a team, you can work to set the tone. When someone sets the tone, we can either match it or set a new one.
Customer engagements, internally with ourselves, or on the field at a pickup game. I am someone who often finds myself to be the leader in a room. When I’m the leader in the room, I want to work to not destroy the tone set by others if it’s appropriate for the situation. This is especially true if I’m in a room where I am not the leader. If the leader in a situation has set a tone that’s appropriate for what’s going on, I want to work to keep that tone in my interactions and not undermine that leader. Before you have a meeting or an interaction with someone else, especially if it’s important, let’s think about the tone with which we wish to carry the interaction through. The other party will have thoughts, but with intentionality, we have the opportunity to set the table with the proper tone before the meeting even starts. So this is my question for you. Who’s going to set the tone in 2025? Because the opportunity is ever present for it to be you.
